I went to my mom's favorite nail salon to have my legs waxed. I'd gone there for a couple underarm waxes because it was really inexpensive. I don't spend money on my nails. I'm an artist. I'll dress up my hands with watches and rings but spending money or time on nails that are going to get banged up anyway just doesn't make sense.
Anyway...a nail salon that also waxes. I told Heather I used the place and how inexpensive it was and her response was, "just don't ever go to a place like that for a bikini wax." And I'm thinking, "duh."
So I head over for a full leg wax. I normally do that myself but again, it was so inexpensive there I figured I'd splurge. A different girl serviced me than the one that did my underarms. That was a bit concerning but the leg wax seemed to go ok. She tried to get me to sign on for a pedicure but I didn't have the time or money. She asked about a bikini wax. I thought for a moment, looked at my watch and said, "you know what? Ok, I think I could use it."
The girl's jacket had "Tina" embroidered on it and I remembered that my mom told me to ask for Tina so I felt safe. Even as Heather's words rang in my ears. They didn't have the cute little paper disposable panties that a nice salon provides, I had to take mine off. Guys...if you don't want to know anything more about what a woman goes through to look hairless in a bikini...read no further. It aint pretty.
This girl's English wasn't so good and as the waxing went on I wondered if she understood any fucking think I said. I told her that I was conservative with bikini waxes, not into the Brazilian thing. She scooped the wax onto her Popsicle stick and slathered it, well, pretty much everywhere. "Oh," I thought, "we're going that route. Um. Ok, I guess. Shit." Next the little swatch of fabric, press down, tear up.
Out loud I say, "um...don't take it all off, I don't do full Brazilian."
"Ok," the cute little Korean girl says and continues on her de-harvesting of pubes. Heather's words of wisdom ringing over and over in my head.
"Your hair too long, wax sticking." Well, this is what the fuck wax does, it sticks. That's why you use it to remove hair, it sticks to the hair, the fabric too and it all comes off together.
I ask her, "Have you ever done one of these before?"
"Uh huh!" She answers with a smile. Then she grabs a razor blade and starts cutting down the hair that "too long."
"What are you doing? Why are you using a razor?" I'm horrified. The whole reason I wax is that I really, really, really hate stubble.
"Hair too long for wax. Is stuck."
I want to kill this Tina girl. The booth we're in is by no means sound proof and I'm sure the ladies outside are hearing everything going on. I would have killed that girl if there hadn't been so many witnesses.
She gets uncomfortably close to the really tender area and I have to coach her on how to properly pull the strips off to avoid ingrown hairs later on. The manager outside yells something to her in Korean and she answers back. I imagine them saying something like, "Tina! You're not trying the Brazilian again, are you? I'm still paying for the lawsuit I got when you butchered the last lady's pussy!" And Tina is saying, "Don't worry, It's not a Brazilian, it's Native American. Mohawk!"
"Ok, done." She says in English to me as I sweat profusely and wish for a time machine. I look down at the mess she's created. "No, you're not done, what about here and here and here? It's not supposed to look like that." I coach her through more work. "Ok?" She asks as I get dressed, "you feel good?" I don't answer.
I walk out of the booth and now I KNOW all the pedicure ladies heard everything, the looks on their faces...
I paid and actually tipped that stupid girl.
Back at Mom's I am administered Neosporin and on the phone with Heather I am questioned, "what were you thinking?"
Tree Pose
6 years ago
